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Premonitions

by I Divorced Life

/
1.
The Shepherd 06:15
There is a reason why I named you ”savior” I barely made it out alive, skin of my teeth You stood there bathed in light, an angel with a cup of coffee, oh, you fucked me back to life, I’ll take it Wasting my time with you makes me want to feel sick Can’t we just go back to when you were cute and not a cold hearted, self-centered bitch? Being in love is the same thing as losing your mind When the storm broke, I realized I was never close to making it out A man who drowns in darkness is no longer hot You blame me, turn down the heat You lack humanity, you used to be my One and all and my best friend, your hypocrisy stings now No one is as smart or beautiful as you are, right? People are just dumb sheep, you’re the shepherd leading us on You chose to do the very worst thing you could have done to me Why don’t you just grow a pair of balls, can’t you see who you fucking look like? That imbecile you always loved to berate and whine about It must be in your genes, the promiscuity can’t be your fault I guess nine years isn’t all that long, it’s okay to fuck me over The apple didn’t fall very far, say, can it get any colder? If diamonds and perfume is not enough I really don’t know If love and trust is not enough If only we would heed your words, don’t you know it all? If only we could be like you, don’t you know it all? If only we could be as smart and beautiful as you? If only we could hit the notes, don’t you hit ‘em all? Please heal us, please do your magic, please show us what it is you do Please save me, please work your magic, please tell me how much longer?
2.
No-Jive 02:43
From this moment forth I’ll take what I want I’ll lie, cheat and steal, you’ll be trash They are separable, biology lies Oh, I can’t be arsed, no more compromise Pet your feelings, let’s say “hi” I can’t deal with any of your moods Never will I subject myself to your evil No more feeling like a pig just because I want you Love leads us astray to death So when I come, remember to breathe, please I won’t cut you any slack, so please, please breathe Don’t share Keep your feelings there, inside Don’t love Keep it under wraps, clean up I will be gone Don’t fret even though it hurts, inside Don’t come I don’t think it’s love Lie down, I will be gone
3.
Hey Bird 05:23
I’ll be right there, where, when and how, dear? How much, dear? How much, dear? Is there something I can do, dear? Just tell me, please tell me You never got that apology, now look here, here you go: I’m so sorry I was late, dear. I came too, I came too soon I’m sorry I didn’t deserve you, you’re too fine for me I am a wreck and I botched my part, forgive me, for I am weak I am so sorry I am the way that I am This wasn’t what you signed up… wasn’t what you signed up for I’m a doormat, and you’re a nazi, no compassion for anyone else Were you too stupid or too proud? I did the suffering, you did the right thing, closed your eyes and ears Like an ostrich, you buried your head in the sand You never know when I’d reach the end of my rope I never knew you, we are done You know I am scared, you know I am scarred and scared I’m sure you do, love, we are done (Paint my face in blood, love) I’m way too boring, I’m way too empty and sad Now that’s not sexy, is it, love? (Paint my face in blood, love) Why are you not here? I lay in bed, I’m dying… or at least crying - I need you (Paint me with your blood, love) January fifth is a day of shame I regret taking your gift, it was poisonous I’m sorry I kept on wanting you I should have realized that you needed a stranger’s cock A third of my life wasted, bye! Please just go I’ll be right there, where, when and how, dear? How much, dear? How much, dear? Is there something I can do, dear? Just tell me, please tell me I am a wreck and I botched my part, forgive me, for I am weak I am so sorry you are the way that you are
4.
He’d always grind my gears “Remember what we had?” Nostalgia is useless now Shut your mouth Just look at what we have The art, love and the light No boundaries, no limits here, anything goes On your death bed, you will look up and ask God “Was I good??” Awaiting answer Just before your plane goes nose first into the mountain Pray! Split into atoms I’ve let myself sink deep Into nostalgia This is the thing I promised to never do I’d laugh but it’s a joke A tear in time and space Suddenly I am in the past - perfect past You practice your passion, share with me, I’ll make you my king Small scale provincal summer of love, we were flying! Why does the record skip? What is it I cannot get? These people do not even recognize me They are not frozen in time It’s just a pale shadow! Nothing but a shadow! Have you tasted everything? Beautiful people are all around us Let us bathe Let us make love in the rain
5.
Was it secret puppy love or just perhaps a manic obsession I’ve no idea, who are you? I know what I would like for you to be I’ll fill in all the blanks I will just make something up I know exactly who I need I will just make up some tall fantasy tale Once it is set in stone, I will begin the hunt for you Once it is canonized, the hunt will definitely have begun One mind, one soul, one heart I would never make this up You do know that, don’t you friend? I’m not a threat, you know I mean you no harm Don’t be afraid, our dreams will go hand in hand The search is over, we’re ready to unite Don’t be afraid Let us rest and stay warm now, friend Your head is on fire Your fire is on fire My world is ablaze Your cat is on fire Your fire is smiling Your fire is ablaze now! Sorry dear, did you need more time to contemplate? Sorry dear, did you need more time to judge me? Sorry dear, did you need more time to seduce me? Sorry dear, did you need more time to ignore me? I let you into my home Ghost, you’re gone, into thin air Oh, you hide in the black void Is this real or just a dream? Do you know what we have lost? Do you know what you have done?
6.
7.
So you chose to let him fuck you Terrified My boy, do you want to shower? I am scared Cum is filthy, skin is on fire You’ll be clean Let us listen to the voice of daddy now: “My daughter’s quite a dirty, nasty whore indeed” A dirty shower won’t make your sins vanish Did you feel dirty when he pulled out of you, my girl? Did your conscience burst right into flames? No? My girl is quite the dirty, nasty whore indeed Be my lover I wish you would just be his lover I’m glad you are gone now To him you’re flesh To me you’re a demon A dirty shower won’t make your sins vanish Be his lover Oh, our lovers make us feel needed Did you know I already caught you Was that why you were crying? Save my lover You’re his lover Make me feel stronger You were crawling around down on the floor And your face was flushed No matter what I wish you good luck and god speed It can’t be easy being such a nasty, little brat I hope that it was worth it That pathetic little cock between your legs I hope that you enjoy being alone
8.
Fimbul 05:45
I walked into the light, no more darkness, oh it’s been so long Believe me it was bright, hurt my eyes but it was a sweet pain A pain that filled me with hope, and joy and thirst Finally hunger returned, I craved you all I was engulfed in the warmth, a love for life Suddenly it all made sense, to fight, to live It was a rush, of energy unbound, unsurpassed It pushed me out towards the crowd of my nightmares Like a larva going through a transformative Fight to become a beautiful butterfly I flew into the gold With my wings bathing in the hot sunshine Believe me it was bright Hurt my eyes but it was a sweet pain A pain that filled me with hope And joy and thirst Finally hunger returned I craved you all I was engulfed in the warmth A love for life Suddenly it all made sense To fight, to live Warmth was met with cold, love was greeted by fear People living this life and I we’re divorced for good What I want is a bit of proof That you’re not all just dead and cold hearted I’m up when you’re down Nothing will ever fit, no Nothing will ever make sense to me Is there really anything out there, something genuine? Something beautiful and real or are you all just empty shells? I’m too tired to keep looking It hurts too much, it hurts too much Everything I have fought for has turned out to be merely hot air Reaching into the past will not bring me nothing, nothing but hurt I’m so tired now
9.
Playmate 05:31
I will not apologize for not staying in my place This self-preservation is my right There are things I will never change Perhaps my mind and maybe my soul has gone to waste In hate, spite and rot Now's the time to get my mind straight and come to life Instead of this halt Just walk down to the old harbor And see if it's possible To maybe find some peace of mind In all this demented nonsense I'm going to get on the next boat right out of here And leave town for good Out to the sea, just where I want to be forevermore Attempt to find my peace Perhaps my mind and maybe my soul will persevere Through hate, spite and rot Now’s the time to leave you for dead and return to life Leave you for dead Think of this as you feel the cold creep up on you Don’t forget You are not the one I am always… Think of this as I disappear out into the open sea I was never yours I was never… You will never catch me You will never hold me again Don’t think you can fool me Don’t think you can trap me again Let me go, pain I will not play with you, you’re wicked Please let me go, pain, You’re never nice to me, I’ll leave now Let me go and I promise I will never bother you again
10.
If Only 04:03
Your hands are trembling, your eyes are red My heart is pounding, a jackhammer Why do I taste blood? I know what time it is, I’m not afraid I trust you no matter what You were always my best friend Always and forever Oh! Let it go The cameras are rolling, This is the final scene None of your words surprise or shock me It warms my heart how you look at me You take my hand Reveal all there is to reveal now Our love has never been stronger than this I let you go and you look back at me With those deep hazel eyes We let go Bawl out our eyes Sturdy shoulders You must never ever be sad No, you’re too strong for that Easier than you would think You smile, let go Walk out the door Into the sun You turn around and see me Oh god, your eyes, what have I lost? Oh my god, those eyes, hazel! Your beauty, love, empathy kills me Right on the spot, strikes me dead I collapse in the couch With a peaceful smile And a joyful tear running down my cheek Salty joy, death Thank you for seeing, seeing Really seeing me

about

A bunch of petty bile. Also a love letter to several common old musical influences.

credits

released May 2, 2017

Anders Matthiesen: drums, percussion
Silas Andersen: vocals, guitar, bass, synthesizer, programming

Produced by Silas Andersen and Anders Matthiesen

All lyrics written by I Divorced Life

Written, recorded and produced in Svendborg 2016/2017

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I Divorced Life Hamburg, Germany

Experimental sound artist based in Hamburg, Germany

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